Rolex - The Official Watch of "Life Savers" Everywhere!

OK...so this press release came out just after the new year or so from Melrose Jewelers, an online Rolex wholesaler/retailer. I see the title "Rolex Watches Help with the Recovery of Owen Wilson" so I read it. I wish I had those few minutes of my life back.

I was (and still am) absolutely floored at the audacity of Melrose Jewelers for printing up such horse-shit! Or as one website called it - "The most serious case of "You've got to be fucking kidding me" marketing we've ever seen or heard." To save you the misfortune of reading it; it basically says that Rolex played a major role in Owen Wilson's recovery form an attempted suicide back in '08.

The timing of the piece clearly shows that Melrose Jewelers wanted to drum up a little extra Holiday business and we all know that all press is good press so...they decided to post this on their blog with a few pics of Owen Wilson wearing his Rolex Submariner about.

It is filled with blurbs like, "Whatever the hawks of the media choose to write, it is clear that Rolex played a major role in Owen Wilson's recovery. Back in good form, the actor is nothing less than a comic genius in a time when comedy is a necessity. Wearing a Rolex Submariner and attending Rolex Benefits helped Owen Wilson realize his life was valuable and worth living. Once again, the precision and quality of a Rolex proves to be a lifesaver in more ways than one."

Ahem...Melrose Jewelers, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? So what you are saying is that luxury brand goods are life saving devices when all else in life seems grim? You should be ashamed of yourselves for posting and then releasing to the press after it made the rounds on the internet, a story that is pure and utter bullshit. This is a mans life that we are talking about. I am sure if Owen Wilson or anyone that has been in that situation before was asked, give up your precious Rolexes for a more stable and healthy way of life for yourself, those watches would be gone in seconds.

Look, who knows, maybe Wilson got a free watch out of it. Maybe the venerable Swiss watchmaker does have magical healing powers. Maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass when I get up from this chair.

But congratulations, it is only January 9th and you have won the Internet Asshat Award for the year, already. Wear it well.

Rolex Submariner - The Grande Dame of Dive Watches

The Rolex Oyster Perpetual Submariner, first introduced to the public in 1954, is a line of watches manufactured by Rolex specifically for diving and the harsh environments that surround the activity.

With it's unmistakable "Mercedes" hands and classic style, it is no wonder that this watch was the original choice for James Bond and has shown up in 11 Bond films before Omega stepped in.

Available in stainless steel, two-tone stainless and 18k, or solid 18k gold, the Rolex Submariner has been a benchmark of success for the Rolex Watch Co. It has hardly changed since it's release in the mid-fifties. Minimal dial and case changes have come about through-out the years. All rolex Submariners come with the patented "Triplock" system identified by three dots on the crown which screws down tightly onto the case tube and against the Oyster case providing an extra layer of water protection. Like a true dive watch should, it has a uni-directional bezel to prevent accidental bezel movement under water so the wearer does not spend too much time down there.

In 2003 Rolex celebrated the Submariners 50th anniversary by releasing a special edition model with a tell-tale green bezel and maxi-dial (enlarged indicies).

Because of the popularity of the Submariner, it has become one of the most replicated designs in watch history. Not only do other brands want to cash in on the Submariner's form but Chinese factories pump out hundreds of thousands of fake Rolex Subs every year.

Retailing starting at well over $6000. dollars, the pre-owned market for the Sub has stayed as one of the hottest, ever. Ebay is flooded with them (careful of the fakes) and you can't run a Google search for one without coming up with at least 3-4 for sale.

If you are in the market for a new sport watch, take some time to view and try on the Rolex Submariner. You might just get yourself hooked!